He Lives!

Six years ago my little brother Timmy passed away.  I was on the phone with my dad as he counted down the readings on the pulse/oxymeter device.  "50... 40... 30... 10... He's gone."  I can't even begin to describe how bad it hurt to listen to my baby brother slip away like that and then know that Mom and Dad were now alone down home.  I remembered that day 14 years earlier when I had said goodbye to Tim when I left to serve my mission.  I really didn't expect him to be there when I got home because he had so many health challenges.  As I walked down the jetway to board the airplane I felt that my heart would burst from the pain.  Now I felt it all over again, only now it wasn't a possible separation - it was an actual separation.

I wanted to be home immediately to be with my parents, but there were certain experiences I knew were waiting for me down home that I did not want to face.  I knew that Mom and Dad expected my brothers and I to dress Tim in white clothes before the viewing and funeral, but I knew it was going to be an awful struggle for me to contain my emotions.  Seeing him cold and unresponsive would just make it too real and final.  But I also knew that this was one of the last services I could do for Tim, and I wouldn't shy away from it. With a fervent prayer in my heart I accompanied my parents, two of my younger brothers, and an uncle to the preparation room.

An overwhelming spirit of peace filled the room as they wheeled Tim in for us to dress him.  I knew that what was laying before us was not really Timmy anymore, just the mortal shell that we had known and loved him in.  The real Tim was somewhere else; close by, but unseen.  And at that moment I knew that he was every bit as alive as I was.  I felt a calm assurance that I would see Tim again because of the marvelous gift of my Savior Jesus Christ.

When I remember Christ's atoning sacrifice I most readily remember the price that He paid for my sins, and that He died and was resurrected so that all of us can be resurrected too.  But the atonement was so much more than that.  He also took upon Himself all of our sorrows, heartaches and sicknesses.  He experienced them personally in a way that I cannot comprehend or fully appreciate - but I believe that He did it.

I had often been puzzled by the Savior's actions right before he raised Lazarus from the dead.  Here was the Son of God, master of life and death, going with a sure knowledge that he was about to raise Lazarus from the grave to continue his mortal life.  He knew it was going to happen, yet when he got to the grave we read that "Jesus wept." (St. John 11:35)  Why did He weep?  I believe it was because he "felt after" Lazarus' loved ones who were mourning his loss.  There in that room, as we prepared my little brother for his burial, I felt that the Savior was feeling after us.  He was sad because He loves us - and we were sad.

I am grateful for the Atonement of Jesus Christ.  It not only provided the needed comfort at a time of immense grief, it provided (and still provides) tremendous hope for the future.  Because of this great gift I know that I can be with my family once again.  His atonement covers all wounds and heals all hurts.  There is  NOTHING that cannot be made right by Christ.

At the end of a very beautiful funeral service my family gathered at the cemetery to say our final goodbye's to Tim.  As we lowered his casket into the grave my 5 year old daughter Blondie looked at all of us like we were crazy.  Looking down into the grave at Timmy's casket she said in a loud voice: "How is he going to get out?" and then quickly answered her own question - "I guess Jesus will just have to go down there and get him."

Indeed - Jesus has come down here and will "get" all of us who are waiting and anxious for His uplifting hands.  There is joy and sweet comfort in the sentence: "I know that my Redeemer lives!"

I know that He lives!  I know that He suffered for our sins, died and rose again the third day to open the way back to our Heavenly Father's presence.  He is there now, beckoning us towards Him.  He is the only way back.  May we each find Him and feel after Him on this sacred Easter Sunday.

Missing Tim

Timmy, my baby brother, had a tremendous impact on my life.  He blessed our family in person for 17 years and then moved on ahead of us 6 years ago today.  Although it has been a while since Tim's passing, memories of his life continue to bless me.  Here are a just a few of the things I remember about Timmy:

• Tim's absolute joy in living - he laughed and enjoyed the very simplest of things with a zest that could hardly be contained in his little body.
• His life was surrounded with love - with the exception of one isolated incident Tim never knew anything but love in his life, and he radiated the love he felt for others.
• His spiritual sensitivity - he recognized when spiritually significant events were occurring.  This didn't always happen, but it happened on enough occasions for us to recognize it and appreciate it.   
• His laugh - Tim laughed with his entire body
• His patience - Tim had to endure a lot of discomfort and illness in his life, but he just dealt with it and remained the sweet, happy person he always was in spite of it all.  
• His love for his family - Of course he loved his parents and siblings, but he adored his nieces and nephews, and got the biggest kick out of watching them play with and around him.

Tim was only 3 years old when I left on my mission, so I didn't really expect him to remember me when I got home two years later.  When I arrived at the airport he obviously enjoyed having so many family members around, but I could tell he didn't really remember who I was.  He picked up on the fact that the rest of the family was happy to see me and I must have seemed familiar to him, but he couldn't quite fit me in.  Throughout that first day home he kept looking at me trying to figure out where exactly he had seen me before.  I was familiar, but why was I familiar?  Then it happened - he remembered who I was and his whole face just lit up.  He laughed, straightened up his whole body and leaned over to reach for me.  For the rest of the day he laughed and giggled when I was near him.  It made my day.

Te hecho de menos carnalito.

Day 22 - Home

A year ago today my family made a heart-wrenching move from the family home to a new home several miles east.  Both my wife and my oldest daughter have posted about their feelings about this move.  (Dulcinea's blog can be read here.)

The experience of getting here was intense.  In fact, it was like going through a fine strainer at high speed.  When we got to the other side of the strainer there was just us left.  And so we picked up and moved on.

I cannot express enough how much we love our new home, the ward we are in and our new neighbors.  We have felt like honored guests here from day one.

I am grateful for the opportunity to be here, however long that may be.

Day 21 - Trains

If we are talking about Christmas gifts, the quintessential gift is an electric train.  I remember getting one for Christmas and thinking it was the best thing since sliced bread.  Yesterday I took my four youngest children to Dennis Sirrine's house (on 24th St. just south of McKellips in Mesa).  He has 4 acres of yard filled with over 2500 feet of garden scale train track.  The landscaping is phenomenal and the train setup is beyond belief.  Tailgunner's jaw dropped.  I could not believe the attention to detail that went into this guy's hobby.  There was a roundhouse, bridges, a lake, observation platforms, several train stations,a hobo sleeping underneath one of the miniature bridges and even a derailed train.  He will be opening it up again this coming weekend (Friday and Saturday) from 5:30pm - 8:30pm.  You gotta see this.

Day 20 - Noel

My sweet Dulcinea is a member of a phenomenal choir.  How that all came about is a story for another time (told by her) but, suffice it to say, it is a tremendous blessing for us.

Friday night the choir visited the home of a sweet lady who is dealing with a debilitating illness, and is not able to leave her house very often.  I got to tag along, and was overwhelmed by the beauty of the music they sang.  To my ears their pitch was perfect, their timing impeccable and their harmony divine.  Their music filled that home with a beautiful spirit that complimented and amplified the sweetness of their sound.

I felt the Christmas Spirit touch me in a way I haven't felt for years.  It wasn't an excitement for Christmas and seeing the kids open their presents.  Rather, it was a calm assurance that He lives.  That He really did come to earth.  Angels did announce His birth.  And His promises are sure.

During their opening number, "The First Noel", I couldn't help but watch their audience - this wonderful lady and her husband who were facing a grim future over the weeks and months ahead.  Their hope and faith in the Savior was radiating from their faces as they listened.

The Christmas Spirit was in that home - because the choir was giving service and because their audience was echoing their song with faith in the Savior.

My heart sang.

Day 19 - Decorating the Home

The Christmas season is replete with creativity.  People go to incredible lengths to sell their products or to proclaim their enthusiasm for the holidays, and we get to see some pretty cool things as a result.  

At home we are not extravagant but we get into the spirit as well.  This morning I took time to notice some of the decorations my wife has been putting up.  She filled a glass bowl with pine cones from the tree outside with several of the burned out Christmas lights mixed in for a little color.  A new wreath hangs on our door (mostly red - my favorite color), and a poinsettia plant is peaking out of a large vase in the entryway.  Mistletoe hangs from the entryway light, and pine boughs cover the edges of bookshelves and music cabinets.  A small village of Christmas themed objects grace the top of the bookshelf, and a Santa Clause figure joins a menorah and a glass jar of Christmas ornaments on one of the decorative shelves in the living room.  I am sure I will see more things set up as the season progresses.  Why do we do these things?  Well, it seems to me that decorating our homes with Christmas paraphernalia is one of the ways we express the

this season brings to our hearts.

The Catch-Up Post

The busyness of the season has hit our household with full force and I am now a week behind in my posts.  (Which my wife pointed out with a subtle - "You need to get back to posting." this morning)

Without further ado -

Day 12 - Christmas Lights
Christmas would not be Christmas without the lights that ring the house.  My wife pulled out and sorted the various strings of lights into "working" and "not working" piles.  We decided on what we were going to do and then I dutifully climbed the ladder and began stringing lights.  My wife handed them to me and gave me great encouragement like: "You look cute while you string Christmas lights."

Day 13 - Mesa Temple Lights

Going to the Temple to see the lights is an annual family tradition.  We went this past Sunday and thoroughly enjoyed it.  This year we had some really cool 3D glasses that acted like prisms with each point of light.  It made tens of thousands of lights look like hundreds of thousands of lights.  Way cool.

Day 14 - Ward Party
This is our second Christmas in our ward (we celebrate our first year here on Sunday) but we moved the weekend after the ward party last year and so we missed it.  We thoroughly enjoyed it this year.  The theme was "Christmas Around the World".  Centerpieces were made out of different artifacts from countries around the world and the cultural hall was festooned with flags (my kind of decorations).  Members of the ward who had lived or who were from other countries told stories about their Christmas experiences in those countries.  I told the legend of the Poinsettia from Mexico.  Dulcinea played a flute solo, Teeney Bopper and Sweet G sang in a youth Choir, Dulcinea, Sweet G and I sang in the choir and Dr. D was Joseph in the nativity.  We made centerpieces with stuff from Mexico and Chile and Dulcinea and her friend Naunee made empanadas.  Yum!

Day 15 - December's Testimony Meeting
Our monthly Fast and Testimony meetings are generally inspiring and uplifting, but there is always something special about the one in December.  We come to Church with tender hearts, reviewing the year and remembering the true meaning of Christmas.  Fast and Testimony meeting this past Sunday was a feast.  Each person who stood up bore their simple witness that Jesus is the Christ.  The diversity of experiences and stages of life that were represented during the meeting added to the spirit that was there.  We heard from two members of our ward who have recently lost their spouses, a sister missionary who had just completed her mission three days earlier and a mother who had just sent her only child off on a mission to her home country of Japan.  Each person gave their witness and their perspective on the Atonement of Christ and the great gift of his life.  I was grateful for the testimonies that were shared.

Day 16 - Christmas Concerts
Friday we attended Sweet G's dance recital, Monday night we went to Blondie's orchestra concert and tomorrow we go to Teeney Bopper's ballroom dance recital.  Seeing our children perform is one of the things that warms our hearts in December.  We have fun trying to find parking, then seats and then cheering for our favorite performers (who share our last name and DNA, of course).


Day 17 - Jacket Weather
Although I bragged earlier about the lovely AZ weather in the winter time, we have been going through a cold spell lately that has required jackets to be worn when outside.  I actually had to brush dust off my coat before I put it on.  We even had snow in some parts of the valley this week that stayed on the ground until around noon.  (For those of you who routinely have to shovel the stuff I realize that this is no biggie, but for us it is almost the event of the year.)

Day 18 - Freedom
70 years ago today the United States was attacked at Pearl Harbor Hawaii.  In the years that followed, a generation of men and women stood up and faced a determined enemy, ultimately winning the war.  I realize that war is the antithesis of Christmas, but the themes of loving something more than oneself, sacrifice and preserving freedom run through both topics.  And, of course, there is the promise that when He comes again war will end and we will live with real peace on Earth.
I am grateful for the men and women who have stood up against tyranny to defend freedom.  And I am most grateful that, because of their sacrifice, I have the freedom to worship according to the dictates of my own conscience.  Above all I am a grateful for the ultimate freedom that the Savior provides to all of us - freedom from death and sin.